welcome to the innernet's worst motorcycle periodical

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

new rule...

there is a new rule for the shop, both at home and work: the toilet will no longer be used to quench metal, the smell can be disturbing.

Saturday, December 24, 2011


I am in need of a Sportster fuel tank; it has just the right shape for something i want to try on the Salt Bike. if you would like to donate one to the cause or are will to sell it cheap send an email to whathappenedtotheduck@yahoo.com. it doesn't have to look good or even hold fuel, rust is not a problem. it just cannot have any huge dents in it.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

the weight is a sign of reliability...

sometimes working for a drilling company comes in handy, especially when you need to make things heavier. my employer bases much of the machine design in the notion: if the part can be made well out of 1/4" steel, it will be indestructible made from 1 1/2". this line of thought inevitably produces plenty of waste both figuratively and physically for me to pick through and salvage. lord knows that my current budget does not allow for the purchase of 100lbs. worth of steel just to be strapped to the underside of a seldom-used motorcycle. so with a bit of patience i have gotten almost all of the components together to make something happen; a year ago at a swap i swindled a dude out of a torch outfit and a handy book all about gas-welding, months ago i salvaged some oxy-acetylene tanks out of a dumpster and now i have the raw materials in hand. all that is needed is some gas and rod and a little instruction. and it just so happens that i have a local pal, experienced in the gas-welding process, who will instruct me in an exchange for a face-crushing burrito.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

this is probably a bad idea...

this post may be one of the worst ideas i've had in awhile. these are pictures of the Salt Bike's engine mods for our last trip to the salt. to put up what i've got in my engine is kind of a racing fuax pas because now anyone can try and copy them or whatever. but realistically, without the measurements, anyone who tries this without knowing what they're doing will just end up uncorking their motor so have at it. one picture that i lost or may have already posted was that of the piston's mods. the piston was windowed to match up with the expansion of the intake ports. a way long time ago i mentioned that the intake never really closes and these are what make that happen. the only thing between my race motor and a 20 pound paper weight are the reed valves. and those are pushed pretty far too. the cage of another make and model were modified to be sharper and wider and accept i wider petal. this is where Chris Carter came in. he made us a few sets of different weight reeds just for this engine, sweet deal. all this nonsense resulted in 36hp at the rear wheel while running 2:1 final drive. i have yet to figure out how that translates to what the Factory lists as the stock HP, mainly cause i can't find what they listed so who cares what the comparison is. 
anyways, there is zero moneys in the bank but i've been trash picking for materials. 

Sunday, November 27, 2011


Allow me to explain how bad this actually sucks(because yes, it's actually worse than it appears). After years of riding on borrowed time, my top end finally gave up the ghost about a month ago. My rear exhaust valve just gave up and tried to become one with my piston and my piston rejected the valves love and ran away into my lower end. Where this gets even better is that my motor is a 1972 with shitty thin walled cylinders from the factory and a unique head bolt pattern meaning I now need 2 new cylinders and heads.

Fast forward to now, and the cases are completely empty and there are 2 standard bore cylinders and pistons on my bench with heads to match. Still on the horizon are new andrews cams and a freshly balanced rotating assembly.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

i need this, right?

i don't know what the numbers mean but someone smarter says this is faster.
sure, whatever, just do what i tell ya. HANDBANANA, NO!!!!!

Monday, November 7, 2011

shifting gears... again

it snowed, ready the fleet! only 5 of those are mine, i swear. 
 the grand tetons....               scariest mountains i have ever seen.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

shifted gears...

no pun intended. but the shop has shifted gears back to a long-lost love. rallying around with an obnoxious, smoke-belching turd under your ass is one of the greatest things ever. but rocketing through trees or blasting through red lights is better, sorry, its a fact. if you don't know, try to figure it out.
so posting has slowed but progress is happening. send emails to dylan and jeff and kenny to put up what they have going on, its really some cool stuff.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Dyno time, finally.

i wanted to take a picture or two while on the dyno but it was way too much fun.
granted, no one reads this blog, but a huge thank you goes out to Yellowstone Harley Davidson. they treated me like gold; 3 power pulls for a 24 pack of Peebers. AND, there was something about my bike that continued to shut down their computer, as soon as i hit power band, the whole thing would freeze up. in the end we had to clean out a bunch of drain pans and shield the CPU with them in an effort to deflect some of the electromagnetic hate spewing from my stator.
so the way it breaks down is this: 36 HP 33 ft.lbs. of torque in 2nd gear at just under 6krpm. kind weak but that is at the rear wheel running 19-28 gears. i was able to do two more pulls in 3rd and 4th gears and the HP dropped a little with each shift. so now i can map out my HP throughout the transmission. it all sounds kinda stupid but i promise, Mouse (my smarter alter-ego) says he has a plan.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Party foul

Some CR500 hate.

swedish madness

i'm not sure how well these guys did but the most interesting part of this bike is the absence of a trans. engine-->primary-->clutch-->jackshaft-->final drive 

Friday, October 7, 2011

Sissy bar fab

Always wear the proper eye protection. In steady's case this would be Dolce & Gabana.

Maintaining an organized, clutter free work environment is crucial.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

aaaaaaand, more fast.

 so my engine guy said i should get a temp gage to monitor how hot the plug is getting, the idea being so that i can shut it down if i see a spike. but no one seemed to know how hot these things get. shit, i still don't. but i do know how hot the thermometer gets before it stops working.

Thursday, September 29, 2011