welcome to the innernet's worst motorcycle periodical

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

sporty is touched down...

i took a hot lap around the neighborhood today and despite the stinging cold it felt really good. i have a bit of vibration in the mid range but i think that may be the chain breaking in or a sprocket melting down. either way, if it really needs help it will let me know. and right on que, a mere hour after starting it up the snow came in to piss in my fruit-loops.  

 a couple of these pics are just for dylan. he is an artist when it comes to not only welding but also wiring, for some reason he gets all giddy when wires are nice and neat. so i took a picture as evidence that i can do decent work sometimes; everything is isolated from vibration, crimped, soldered, tied down and shrink-wrapped; hope he approves.
 AND, i even cleared the corn flakes out of my fuel filter.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Do work

Had a pretty productive Saturday. Got to shoot my new 45 a bunch.
Picked up Nate's Sex-S650 and pre-loved TC Bros hardtail.
Lots of extra gross shit on this frame.
Sawzall got rid of most of the gross shit in a hurry.
All mocked up. Just need to bolt in an engine case to keep the motor mounts aligned and tig it up.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

sorry, i got a job.

my bad. i dig the job but, as you can see, the commute is a traffic nightmare. 
i finally got the rest of the bits to get the sporty running and i even got plates for the stupid thing. then it snowed. posting will resume shortly.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

I love Saturdays

My favorite chopper...

terrible pictures and worse paint..

i have embraced the fact that my bike will never blend in with the Left Coast and i am over the rat-bike thing. i have also become dependent on notes to remind me of things. such as how far i can make it on one tank of gas...
...how much slack should i have in my primary chain...
 ...air pressure...
 and how tight my axles nut needs to be.
other reminders that i couldn't get a better picture of include my spark plug size and gap and the jet i run for given elevations. i feel like a genius for doing this but am more likely look the fool, either way it'll be like this for awhile.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

the upgrades just keep comin...

this one should get me into some kind of trouble for sure. i found this light deep in the bowels of a bucket, its a Whelen blue wigwag. these are the same lights you see mounted to police cars and now i have one under my seat. the real reason is so that i can start to fit in with the custom crowd cause everyone knows if your shiz don't glow blue you ain't shizzle. this little baby is bright enough to blind a smurf and the different flash patterns can be utilized to induce seizures, confusion and put out that "rider carries no cash cause i spent it all on gay accessories" vibe.  
 coconut customs' points covers now available in a variety of witty phrases and space age materials. all hand crafted to allow for adequate water passage into to ignition compartment and to put out the "all my tuff-phrased t-shirts are in the wash so read this and be skeerd" message.
 i am trying to locate all the electrics as close together as possible, and my old mount was dumb.
 skinny tires have been delivered and mounted.

Sunday, March 13, 2011


Frame is tacked and ready to be finish welded..
motor's out and ready for a preseason once over and some new gaskets. Sorry about the awful nerdphone pics

one a dem dayz...

Shimmy shimmy ya, shimmy yam, shimmy yay,

Gimme the mic so I can take it away.
Off on a natural charge, bon voyage
Yeah, from the home of the Dodgers, Brooklyn squad
Wu-Tang Killer Bees on a swarm!
Rain on ya college ass, disco dorm!
For you to even touch my skill,
You gotta have the one Killer Bee and he ain't gonna kill. Now
My producer slam, my flow is like bam!
Chop that down, pass it all around!
Lyrics get hard, quick cement to the ground!
For any MC in any 52 states,
I gets psycho killer Norman Bates!
My producer slam, sharp like bam!
Jump on stage, and then I dun-daaaah!

Friday, March 11, 2011

i suck at painting

i thought i would try painting this stupid motorbike and since the boss was away i thought i'd do it in comfort. i am not a painter and am really bad a striping so i figured why not capitalize on those shortcomings. Dylan also accused me of moving too close to the Left and as a result am having delusions of metal flake and candy coatings. Buddy, don't worry, this shit came out predictably inadequate. but i have a slightly different outlook on bikes lately.    

in prepping the frame for its new outfit i had cleaned it with a cornucopia of cancer inducing chemicals and scrubbed every inch with scotchbrite. it lightened up the color quite a bit and really drew out all of the imperfections in the castings and welds. all of the nicks, scrapes and "oops'" really popped and i didn't have the heart to cover them all up.    
and this is my nifty stand. i made it to do hardtails and it worked well on several occasions. but it worked phenomenally in holding the frame straight up and allowed me to paint the whole thing without having to hang it or reposition. 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

took a day off...

i don't want this silly blog to be a facebook page but never underestimate the therapeutic value of taking a day off from being yourself. it was 10*F out of the water and hot enough in it to get you lightheaded; 2 hours of soaking and your brain is in the "off" position.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

coconut customs: aviation specialists

here at coconut customs we strive to be on the cutting edge of development and sense completing my first full-on airplane build this morning i am confident that i can handle any task. to that end we are now offering complete aviation packages ranging from: fuselage design and construction, complete vintage restoration, engine tuning and experimental data collection.

Thursday, March 3, 2011


2 strokes are dumb

Where: Lt tuned length, in inches
Eo exhaust-open period, in degrees
Vs sonic wave speed (use 1700 feet per second)
crankshaft speed, in revolutions per minute
Dl (see text)
D3 = D1 x (0.57 to 0.62, see text)
A1 (half the diffuser's angle of divergence)
A2 (half the baffle-cone's angle of convergence)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

looks like we missed the boat again

apparently baggers are in, as evident by the tattoo-clad nose-goblin featured here. with any luck all the posers will shave the beards and trade in their chahppiz and flannel for pussy bags and a basketball jersey.  

i guess the only thing to do now would be to open up a fake shop and play make believe till Mr. Rodgers shows up.